Encapsulated Delusion
"Reasoning is destroyed when the mind is bewildered. One falls down when reasoning is destroyed"
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Have you met my friend called expectation?

In happier time.

As human being, we play roles in our life. And it's not something that you can do well easily. Me, myself, has been playing roles since I was born.

  • As a daughter, I devote my life to my nuclear family. I have to do well in almost everything and my behavior toward others have to be constantly good as well.
  • As the oldest grandchildren according to Bataknese culture, It's my job not to complain those long yet interesting and exhausting weeding ceremonies, funerals, or simply just a family gathering. I will have to take care 15 of cousins that my dad's side have and their failures are for me to be blamed on.
  • As a student, lecturers expect me to score nice alphabet, attend every classes and submit assignments on time.
  • As an employee, the big boss wants everything to be done nicely, correctly, creatively and so many other -lys to be mentioned. Should you make any mistakes, God knows what will happen to you.
  • As a best friend, I always need to be there for my best friends, to make sure that they are doing well, that they are happy.
  • As a girl friend, I have to admit the reality that I will be the one who have to wait, who will bend on my knee and hope that everything will be just fine on his side, to make sure that his path goes smoothly.
  • As a part of the society, there's always a behavioral standard exists. Once I can't meet the expectations, stereotypes, prejudice or whatever you might know it by, will be on my way.
  • As an adult (yes, i will be bloody 20 this year), people always think that making good judgment won't be any difficult for me, yet, they never really think that sometimes people make mistakes.
  • As a/an (.....) and the list goes on.
Life gives us many expectations. Sometimes we do well, but most of the time, we failed to do so. If you're asking me, how well did I do in life, I think I can only give myself 4 out of 10. I still have to learn, still have to fall down and start over once again. There are times that I just want to go back to a point when whether I meet the expectations or not, people won't be this judgmental. Yet, pain is there so you learn. I learned.